Love letter

Laura,

O, my dearest love, o lone ray of sunshine on the firmament of my life… I shall speak from my heart. For weeks I have been shooting stolen glances in your direction, hiding the hope I dare nurture deep within my bosom that perhaps you feel for me even one iota of the affection I feel for you…

I have waited long, gathering the courage to confess my feelings for you. I would certainly be waiting still, had not you appeared at tonight’s soiree in the company of that womanizing, carousing, drivel-scribing pretentious pig named Alfons de Reside! When I saw that emaciated turd fawning over you, I immediately knew I had to act! I turned to the best weapon in my arsenal—the quill and the well-turned phrase—and began writing you this letter (forgive me, it is written on a napkin, for I had nothing more appropriate at hand at the time). O, most marvelous of all women, do not believe a word he whispers in your ear – he is as slippery as a viper and twice as venomous! Reject his advances and let me walk hand in hand with you, feed you grapes and with you radiate happiness to the heavens themselves!

Yours Forever,

Fabien