Dialogue: Raymond Chandler Evening

Valentino

'Ey, you. Sittin' in the wrong spot.

Corpo

Uhhh... Thisss... This isn't a bar?

Valentino

It is. But it's our bar.

Valentino

Get up. Let's take a walk.

El Coyote Barman

V! Go teach these assholes how to behave in my bar!

Valentino

'Ey, back off. Ain't your biz here.

Valentino

An' stay out! If ya know what's good for you!

V

1AReally? Ain't deaf or blind, an' all I see is two gonks tryna rob a stumblin' suit.

1AYou heard what Pepe said. Take a fuckin' walk.

Valentino

1AChoom – fuck off. Or I implant my blade in your ribs.

V

2AJust try, gonk. C'mon. Let's see what you got.

Valentino

2AWell. Just got real fuckin' interesting.

Valentino

2B'Ey, wait! Know this punk. Fought fire with our boys – y'know, back when Gustavo took that hit.

V

2CReally think you're fast enough with that blade? Really?

2CWay I see it, be a smokin' hole in your chest before your neurons even light up.

2CBut hey, nothin' like a little experiment, right?

Valentino

2CA'ight, c'mon, Pedro. Not worth it. Don't work out.

Corpo

2CBut... What... What just happened?

V

2CLanded in a little trouble. Cleaned up now.

Corpo

2CGoddamn, sorry, I... I think I've had a little too much... Fuck! What a night...

2CWhy...? Why'd you help me?

V

3A'Cause you look like you got some eds on you.

Corpo

3AI see... Nothing for free. Not in this goddamn city. Not in this goddamn life.

3AHere. All I got. The rest... bartender got the rest.

V

3B'Cause you woulda caught a beatin'. Or worse.

Corpo

3BThis fuckin' town, these people...? Just here, mindin' my own biz... If it weren't for you, I... ugh...

3BHere. For your trouble. The rest, uh... bartender got the rest.

El Coyote Barman

2CCircling him like sharks on the scent o' fresh corpo blood... Coulda ended badly if you hadn't've stepped in, V.

V

2CYeah, well, not all heroes wear capes.

El Coyote Barman

2CHow about we drink to you, then? On the house.

V

4AWon't say no to a free drink.

El Coyote Barman

4ATo good fortune and prosperity!

V

4BNot this time. But thanks.

El Coyote Barman

4BDon't drink on the clock, eh? I get it, respect that.

V

2CLong day?

El Coyote Barman

2CCould say that again. I'm on a double, no break.

V

2CWorkin' overtime to make an extra buck?

El Coyote Barman

2CNah. Just don't want to go home.

2CTen years married, y'know? Ten years an' suddenly I am not good enough. Nooo, she has to go get some side action.

2CAnyhow, since you brought up money... you wouldn't be lookin' for a gig, would ya, V? Pay's solid.

V

5ARun me through it.

El Coyote Barman

5AIt's about my wife, right? Name's Cynthia. She's cheating – damn sure of it. Only question is, who with.

5ACould let it eat away at me, or I could get someone like you. Ain't no more than an evening's work.

V

6AOK, fine. I'm in.

El Coyote Barman

6AYou're my hero, V. Means a lot to me.

V

6CGonna have to keep tabs on your wife, follow her around town. Where'd she be now?

El Coyote Barman

6CShe works nearby, I'll give you the address. Knowing her, she'll be on a smoke break. Smokes like a goddamn tire fire.

V

6CLike half this city.

El Coyote Barman

6CWait, um... Today, she was wearing a – pink jacket... and, uh... Hmm... She had a blue purse, I think.

V

6CColorful.

El Coyote Barman

6CAlways liked dressing up. Get a woman something nice for her birthday, anniversary... And what do you get in return?

V

6DSure she's cheatin' on you?

El Coyote Barman

6DLet's start with the fact that she always stays late after work. I know she's lying. Called her office one night, she wasn't even there.

6D'Sides that? Well, we got a kid together, right? Doesn't even look like me. Different hair, different eyes, all of it!

6DUsed to be easy to check these things – but with today's tech? There's a way around every test now.

V

6EWhy you wanna know who she's with? What's the point?

El Coyote Barman

6EWhat's the point?! What kind of gonk question is that?!

V

6ESimple one. Answer it.

El Coyote Barman

6EI want to look him in the eyes – ask him how it feels, fucking some other guy's wife, breaking up a happy marriage.

V

6FCan't say I'm interested. Sorry.

El Coyote Barman

6FNo, no, no, no, wait – eh, to hell with it.

V

5BMarital strife? Sorry, not my line of work.

El Coyote Barman

5BYou sure? Damn... Well, if you change your mind, lemme know.

5BSo? You gonna help me out after all?

Valentino

2CEh – not the only collar in town, man.

V

2DReally? Mh, wonder what Mama Welles would say – what she'd do when she sees you two gonks fuckin' up her joint.

2DMy bet's she'd whip out her shotgun, blast your heads off.

2EKnow what? Fine. Not my biz, not my corpo.

Valentino

2EWell, come on, choom. Fresh air'll do you some good.

El Coyote Barman

2EThanks, V. Really outdid yourself.

Valentino

What, you deaf? You lookin' to get beat? 'Cause that's what's about to happen.

Johnny

"I arrived on the scene. Looking for the woman in the pink jacket – the woman with a sordid past."

V

Stop right there.

Johnny

"I arrived on the scene. Looking for the woman in the pink jacket – the woman with a sordid past."

V

Stop right there.

Johnny

"I arrived on the scene. Looking for the woman in the pink jacket – the woman with a sordid past."

V

Stop right there.

Johnny

"I arrived on the scene. Looking for the woman in the pink jacket – the woman with a sordid past."

V

Stop right there.

Johnny

"They say all dames are the same. But this one – she was different..."

V

Having fun there?

Johnny

"'Not her,' I thought. No pink jacket. No guilt in her eyes."

V

Ooh, Christ, this's even worse than your songs.

Johnny

"It was her. The lady in pink, breaker of hearts, framed by a halo of cigarette smoke. I followed her..."

V

Dreaming of the day the narrator put a fuckin' plug in it.

Johnny voice

"Got too close. Almost scared the dame off. Better be careful..."

V

I know, I know.

Johnny voice

"Got too close. Again. Something just drew me to her, like one magnet to another."

V

Ugh. Stop.

Johnny

"Decided to step on her foot. Don't know why. Guess they don't call me a gumshoe for nothin'."

V

Doesn't even make sense.

Johnny

"Decided to step on her foot. Don't know why. Guess they don't call me a gumshoe for nothin'."

V

Doesn't even make sense.

Johnny

"The woman looked around. Something weighed on her. Maybe it was my gaze..."

V

Keep this up, I'm gonna fucking puke. Narrate that.

Johnny

"The woman passes a bum, gives him a wide berth. Doesn't want her clothes dirty. Her conscience is already dirty enough."

V

Seriously, what did I ever do to you?

Bad timing... she won't be here.

Johnny

Seedy bars, betrayal, a beguiling woman... Sounds like something out of a pulpy noir thriller.

"Pepe was used to listening to his customers' complaints. But now it was he who needed to get something off his chest."

"It was the same old story – an unfaithful wife, in a city where everything was uncertain..."

V

You about done? I'm tryna focus.

Wife

'Ey, careful! You'll tear my shirt!

V

Well, well, well.

Wife

Hey, you! What're you doing here?!

Ripperdoc

Fuck, Cynthia! Told ya to make sure nobody followed you!

V

1AHusband sent me. Suspected something. See he was right.

Wife

1AWhat? Wait – no! It's... It's not like that! I... I can explain!

V

2AGo on, then. Let's hear it.

Wife

2AOK, for-- for one thing... He's not my input – he's my ripper, a specialist in plastic surgery.

V

2AA specialist? In this dump?

Ripperdoc

2ALook, I know. I... I had this little accident a few years ago. The victim, uh... Well, the patient's family still can't let it go. That's why I'm forced to work here.

V

2AHold on a sec... What about your kid?

Wife

2AHere's the thing... I... Ugh. I didn't used to look like this. I had a total bodysculpt – skin, hair, eyes, everything... except, well, you can't fool your genes.

2AThat's why our son looks different than Pepe imagined. It's not because he's not the father, just that I... I don't look anything like the old me.

V

3ABut... why? Why do that?

Wife

3AAnd why do you think? Out of boredom? 'Cause I was a rich, basic bitch?

3AEveryone's got their own secret. Something they wanna forget, or leave behind them.

3AI... I had a lot of 'em. And I can't share them with anyone. Not even my own husband.

V

3BWell, uh... Plot's thicker than I imagined, for sure.

Wife

3BI'm glad you listened – saw it from my point of view.

2AI know I should've told Pepe about all this, but... there was never a good time! And... and now that I'm expecting again... Oh, it... It-- it wasn't... It wasn't planned...

2APlease... Uh, tell him... Tell him that...

V

2AYes?

Wife

2AI don't know. I don't know what to tell him myself. That-- that I'm really sorry. That life's an absurdist drama, OK? Just... just go.

Johnny

2AHit the nail on the head with that last point.

V

2BIt's not me you should be explaining yourself to.

Wife

2BNo, no, no, no, wait! Please, please just hear me out!

V

2BDoesn't matter. Seen enough.

Johnny

2B"I left her standing there, indifferent to her pleas. The colors of the neon-lit sky played on my retina..."

V

2BDude, just stop already, OK? Seriously.

1BDoesn't matter. Seen enough.

Wife

1BBut... huh? What the hell is going on?!

Johnny

1B"They say lies have short legs. But liars – oh, their gams go all the way up."

V

1BOh-ho. Where's this scop coming from?

Johnny

"The dame disappeared into the guts of a building ready to collapse. The air hung heavy with smog and betrayal."

V

Ugh... Maybe it's a good thing I'm dyin'.

Job's done. Followed your wife. Went into some run-down pad. Man was waiting for her inside.

El Coyote Barman

I knew it. What else?

V

Knew it, huh? Didn't know a thing. Didn't cheat on you. Least, not in the way you think.

El Coyote Barman

Huh? What way, then?

V

4AShe was at a ripper's, gettin' a scan. Her skin, hair, eyes... it's all implanted, every single last part of her.

El Coyote Barman

4ASo my son – that's why he...?

V

4AExactly.

El Coyote Barman

4AJesus fucking Christo... How could she keep this from me? Her own husband – ten fucking years!

4AIt's not about the skin, or... whatever. It's that she lied. How the hell am I s'posed trust her now?

V

5AOK – yes, Cynthia was hiding something from you. Yes, she lied, but...

5AThe woman loves you, ya gonk. You know how much that means in this fuckin' town?

5AIf I were you, I'd just live and let live, y'know?

El Coyote Barman

5AYeah... Yeah, I guess you're right.

5AAnyway, thanks. This is for you... For your troubles.

V

5AGood man, Pepe. Take care.

5BYou've got a right to feel cheated, sorta...

El Coyote Barman

5BOK... What now?

V

5BI wish I knew, Pepe. I really do. But who am I to make your mind up for you?

El Coyote Barman

5BYeah, yeah, I know. Well... see you.

5BOh, right, uh... somethin' for you. Guess you... Guess you earned it.

V

5CNot my biz.

4BI'm not gettin' dragged further into this. She'll tell you herself.

Johnny voice

"Silence fell like a wet blanket over the city, muffling its cries. Time to rest, I thought. Time to drink."

V

See, that's more like it. Finally makin' some sense.

Did my job, now your turn. Waitin' on that scratch.

El Coyote Barman

You know, I thought I'd be more than just one of your regular clients, but I guess I was wrong.

See ya around, V.

V

Dunno. Honestly, don't care, either.

Wife phonecall

Oh, hi. It's, uh, Cynthia, Pepe's wife? Remember me?

V

Uh-huh. I do.

Wife phonecall

I don't know what you told him, but... thanks. Thank you so much.

Hi, it's Cynthia, Pepe's wife. Remember me?

Anyway, I guess it was just another day in the life for you. And me? Well, it was the end of mine.

Pepe threw me out. I'm out on the street. I hope – I just hope you're proud of yourself.

Wife

I asked what you're doing! Who the hell are you?!