Nightmares and revelations

I once read about the impossiblity of reaching the Absolute. Philosophers have tried to define it, prove its existence or lack thereof. But what if what we're trying to do here is exactly that - establishing contact with the Absolute? Every time they drop us into the deep Net, I feel as if I'm nearing something intangible, something that defies reason, lies beyond human understanding. I am a netrunner. Specialization: reconnaissance and cyberspatial matrix analysis. They order us to observe all those AIs hidden in the depths of the Net. They order us to capture them. Then they want us to integrate with them. The mind of a netrunner enhanced with the ingenuity of an AI... It makes me quicker. I see more. Know more. But do I understand more? Who leads who? Who's the prophet in whose universe? My dreams... billions of luminous dots. Either stars or distant numbers. A galaxy of unfathomable meanings. Alien permutations nestled between my neurons. And I'm... I... What "I", exactly? Where exactly is my mind? Who's writing these words? Since my last dive I feel as if I'm locked in a room located somewhere in the recesses of my mind? What if these notes are only their way of testing? Probing? I am not myself anymore. I am not anymore. I am... not?